Real Thanksgiving

“When you arise in the morning, give thanks to the morning light for your life and strength.  Give thanks for your food and the joy of living.  If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies in yourself.” – Tecumseh (Shawnee)

This quote, by one of my greatest heroes, sums up what Thanksgiving is truly about – gratitude for our blessings. The holiday goes beyond the winter of 1620-21Plymouth,Massachusetts.  That moment carries its own baggage and has been surrounded by either an overly romantic view of what happened (everyone held hands and enjoyed the feast as equals) or an overly negative view (how Native people were treated from that moment forward) and has been the source of arguments for years. 

I believe Thanksgiving can go way beyond that moment and be a more meaningful holiday for all of us.  Beyond the historic context, beyond the idea that fall was a traditional harvest celebration time for Native people, beyond turkey and beyond football is this: simple gratitude, a sense of awe, that we are blessed beyond words no matter where we are or what we’ve been through on the journey. 

For instance, if you can read these words and process the ideas, you are blessed beyond words because 1) you’re alive 2) you’re eyes and brain are working.  Start with the immediate reasons to be thankful and move outward like ripples on a pond to really absorb the magnitude of all we have to be grateful for – our senses of sight, smell, touch, taste, the blood flowing through our veins, the breath in our lungs.  Put your hand in front of your face and move your fingers around, twisting your wrist to take in the full view.  That is a work of art, a miracle in motion!  

Next, move to your relationships and feel gratitude for your family, friends and those who have shared their love, wisdom and strength to develop you.  Sometimes, it was that grandma, coach, teacher or supervisor that kicked our rear end onto higher ground – be grateful for them too.  We can be grateful we have freedom, food, that we are not deployed (and be grateful for the sacrifice of those that are) or we have electricity and running water.  Move on from there to the next thing and the next, opening your embrace to encompass it all.  It’s quite inspiring and humbling at the same time.

When we go to our traditional ceremonies, whether it is a sweatlodge, Sun Dance, Midewewin, etc. the focal point for all of these is gratitude for what we have.  Why?  Because our elders and ancestors were wise enough to understand this concept in action.  If we are not grateful for what we have in this moment, be it ever so humble or great, we will never be satisfied on the road ahead no matter how much we achieve or how many blessings come our way.  In fact, I was amazed that during my four years of Sun Dance (four days each ceremony) when we dance and prayed thanks for all our blessings from sunrise to sunset, I never ran out of things to be grateful for! Gratitude breathes color and life into all we have around us.

When we put this concept into practice in our lives, every day can feel like Thanksgiving (turkey optional).  We are all busy people, but to spend just a few moments each day reflecting on the bounty we have been given, the gifts that surround us, will enable us to feel more fulfilled and joyous on the journey we walk. 

I’m particularly grateful for my life, my wife and children, my family, friends and all of my supporters, clients and colleagues who have made my journey a beautiful adventure.  Remember, the holiday is telling the Creator and everyone around you, “thanks…for giving” and I thank all of you! 

I dedicate this article to Rick Refoir, a dear friend who passed away one year ago today after a heroic battle with cancer.  He not only taught me about living fully and enjoying the journey, but also how to die with grace, altruism and dignity.

Secret Powers of the Amazon

High in the Andes Mountains, at around 18,000 feet, are rock seams dribbling rivulets of snow melt.  These mere trickles make their way down the mountain and are joined by other trickles.  This combination of efforts creates momentum and the beginnings of the most powerful river in the world, the Amazon.  This mighty behemoth, which starts as a mere trickle, grows to become a rushing 4,000 mile watercourse that pumps 57 million gallons of water per second! 

How does the Amazon go from a mere trickle to a mighty flow and how can we create that type of dynamic as we lead our teams? 

1) Create a common direction. In order for individuals to combine efforts, as the trickles combine and create the Amazon, they must be heading in the same direction.  Good leaders provide this direction to their teams through clear, consistent communication as to the expectations, goals, standards and the overall game plan.  Good leaders then maintain that common direction through healthy doses of support, feedback and encouragement.  When an individual stream goes rogue, it must be guided back into the established flow or it heads out on its own and eventually peters out.  In a team, the same efforts must be made as the team is much stronger working together toward a common goal than a team divided in their directions and actions.  

2) Create momentum.  Momentum is only achieved through decisive, consistent action.  The path may not always be smooth for the Amazon, but the flow does not stop.  In a team, action creates excitement, excitement leads to drive and drive leads us to results. We create none of these when we sit in the shadows waiting for the perfect moment or every single resource we might need.  Instead, create those conditions through momentum.  This is why the old adage is true – if you want something done, give it to a busy person.  Why? Because these people have already established momentum and are enjoying what that brings – results.  Momentum is established by working with focus, being decisive, accessing new resources, trying creative solutions and applying them quickly.  On the other hand, hesitation creates doubt, boredom and saps initiative.  Momentum takes time to build (e.g. think of a stalled car where the first steps are back-breaking) but once it’s created, your team can become not only resilient, but unstoppable. 

3) Force multiply.  As the Amazon makes its way to the Atlantic Ocean, thousands of tributaries feed into it, taking advantage of the concept of force-multiplying where one and one make three, not two, because the sum of the parts is greater than the whole. This is the secret power of a focused team.  The warrior philosopher Tamerlane said, “It is better to be on hand with ten men, than absent with ten thousand.”  I constantly see handfuls of committed people accomplish what twenty or more couldn’t – and I bet you do too.  Plus, achievement inspires others around a team to get involved, add resources and spread the word after seeing what they can do.  This is also a force-multiplier.  After all, people love to be part of successful endeavors which is the reason for the wild successes of Zappos, Starbucks, Facebook and so many sports franchises. Remember that you don’t need a mass of people to do great things, just a few committed folks to get things started.

In our Native communities, our elders said the outdoors are our greatest classroom and nature would teach us all we need to be successful.  The twisting and muddy waterway of the Amazon flows powerfully, if not always gracefully, towards its goal of reaching theAtlantic. Follow the lessons the Amazon teaches us and unleash the power and potential of your team.    

Online registration is now available for The Warrior’s Edge event in November!  Go to our online store to get more information and register yourself (and bring a friend for free) today…

Three C’s of Great Communication

The magical, mystical glue that holds teams together is trust.  With it, we see people follow their leaders through the fires of change, challenge, doubt and fear.  Without it, people won’t follow their leader to the bathroom.  But how do we build that trust and strengthen our relationships, our connections and ultimately influence how well we lead others?  

Through communication. 

We are all like human radio stations, transmitting information to those around us at all times.  We communicate through e-mail, texting and speaking, but also through our body language and most importantly, through the example we set with our actions.  In the end, our goal as leaders is to communicate in a way that strengthens the bond of trust and enables us to have more influence and impact with those we lead. Whether they are teammates, co-workers, fellow community member or our own families, good communication is a must. 

In the extreme, miscommunication can cause injuries or even death in arenas such as the military, operating heavy machinery or medicine. However, if we don’t continually work to prevent miscommunications in our own lives, we can create disruptions that can break down trust, waste energy, time and money and cause confusion or chaos.  To prevent this, three elements of great communication require us to be: Read the rest of Three C’s of Great Communication »

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

The dog days of summer are dwindling away and football season is officially on.  Kids are headed back to school, if they’re not back already, and they’ll undoubtedly be asked what they did over the summer.  Though I won’t get their advantage of using crayons to illustrate the assignment, I’d like to share some of what I did, but also what I learned. 

First I learned this: If we ever are going to get a break, downtime or rest, we need to make it happen by design.  Like a plains warrior staking his flag in the ground to stand and fight to protect his village, we must aggressively carve rest out of our schedule or else it doesn’t happen. We naively go into the “quieter periods” like summer, falsely thinking the time to relax, to visit, etc. will just magically appear.  It doesn’t.  There is still much activity that gets in the way – bills to pay, yard work, errands, etc. – if we allow it to.  We didn’t have a proper family summer vacation this year, but we did grab chunks of time, took some small trips together and had friends and family visit us.  We sprinkled those bits of flavor throughout the summer and had one of the best we’ve ever had because of it.  One of the days, we just did nothing all day – no phone calls, projects or to-do list items.  We just plopped on the couch with the girls, watched movies and intermittently napped.  It was pure bliss.  I haven’t done that in a long time but look forward to doing it more often. 

Second lesson:  Just because change is hard or stressful, it doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing.  At the beginning of the summer we moved to a newer house with more space.  We’d been saving, planning and preparing for quite some time for the change.  Being a guy, I thought it was all about the numbers – if they fit, it was a good move to make.  I had no idea the emotional roller coaster it would take us on!  Don’t get me wrong, I’m well versed in moving since I was a military brat and then active duty for ten years.  I felt ready for the operation.  But I’d never moved with a family and never felt like the stakes were so high.  Plus, the house was full of memories of our marriage, the kids growing from babies, the start of the business and so much more. It was a frustrating, stressful, humbling and at times overwhelming process but as we’ve settled into our new house, it’s becoming home.  My wife and girls (and me) have been thrilled with our new digs and the pain of the change seems miles away now.  Yes, it was a struggle at times, but I realize it was worth every bit of effort we put into it. 

 Third lesson:  Getting older is what you make of it.  A few weeks ago, I turned forty.  Nothing fell out or off…well at least, not yet.  It’s a milestone and another journey around the sun, but to me it wasn’t earth shattering.  I did have moments of deep reflection on my birth, my life up to this point, my blessings and what the future may hold – and perhaps I’ll do a piece on those in the future – but it wasn’t something I dreaded in the least.  Getting older is a funny thing.  We shift (albeit unwillingly) to the realization that our bodies may not be as youthful as they once were, but we’re not weak because of it.  We forget that the knowledge and wisdom we can gain each year becomes our best asset, our greatest strength.  I’ve been fortunate enough to spend time with some very cool elders in our Native communities throughout the years.  They are sharp, involved, constantly learning and have the attitude about age that I admire – use it or lose it.  Embracing that philosophy, on the morning of my fortieth birthday, I dropped down and did 100 push ups to the applause of my girls.  I looked in the mirror at some new silver hairs and thought proudly… I earned every one of those suckers! 

What did you learn on your summer vacation?

The Father Factor

A few years ago, around this time of year, I was honored to be the keynote speaker at the Yakama Tribal High School graduation.  The exciting night was made even better when they allowed each grad to say a few words after getting their diploma.  There were stories of challenges and setbacks, there were thanks given to friends and family for their encouragement.  But there was a moment that burned into my mind.  It was the moment when a young man had the crowd roaring with laughter from his hilarious stories.  Suddenly, he got deathly silent behind the microphone and tried in vain to choke back tears as he said, “I wish my father would have made time to come see this tonight.  I wish he was here.” 

The “Father Factor” is what’s missing from the lives of so many youth.  It’s such a critical ingredient to their success that national initiatives are underway to get fathers involved in the lives of their kids.  I’ve heard it said that “anyone can be a father (biologically) but it takes a special man to be a Dad”.  This Father’s Day, I want to offer my encouragement and support to all the “Dads”, the real men and warriors out there who are having such a positive impact on their kids.  Coming from my years of watching what does and doesn’t work, my own fatherhood experiences and from observing the best dad I’ve ever seen in action – my own – I humbly offer the following ideas to Dads everywhere.  None of these require a Ph.D. or studies in child development – only love and time:   

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Hit That Button!

When our computers run slow or our cell phones stall out, what do we do?  That’s right, we hit the power button, reboot them and suddenly all is well again.  The devices are quicker and seem to have new life in them.  The counters are reset to zero and we’re once again dealing with a blank slate and a machine that is poised to perform.  Well, science has shown that our bodies are electrical systems too and we also benefit tremendously from hitting the reboot button. 

Recently, I attended a business retreat with a few friends, not as a presenter, but as a participant.  The event focused on breathing new life into our activities and processes as business owners and it was great medicine for me and the others – like a shot of vitamins into our spirits!  We’ve come back to our businesses with fresh eyes, new ideas and an almost childlike excitement about what we do and how we do it.  When was the last time you hit your reboot button? 

Summer is the perfect time to plan a way to recharge, refresh and reboot.  There are many ways to do it, but here are Read the rest of Hit That Button! »

Don’t Get Eaten by the Bear

If you’ve ever watched the movie The Edge with Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin you would know they had a serious problem to face.  If you haven’t watched it, here’s the quick synopsis.  The two men played characters that were part of a small group that crashed in remote Alaska and were cold, hungry and lost (bad).  They had no equipment or practical survival skills (worse).  Added to this, they had an enormous, ravenous brown bear that was stalking them and picking them off one by one (worst).  Does this scenario resonate with any of us who might be going through tough times, fear, doubt, bad economy or major life changes?  Does a bear do his business in the woods?  You betcha. 

Driven by fear and a strong will to survive, Anthony Hopkins’ character created a plan to fight the bear.  It came from knowledge gained by reading a book and required a basic tool – a long stick.  A bow and arrow would have been good, a rifle even better and they probably would have preferred a shoulder launched rocket – but instead, they had a stick.  In the end, the two defeated the bear with the spears they made.  I always liked this movie because it shouted a few basic lessons to us all that we can apply when facing life and business challenges:  Read the rest of Don’t Get Eaten by the Bear »

Secrets of the World’s Most Resilient People

The headlines of the world lately have been rife with conflict, bad news, stumbles in the economy, job market worries and the threats of reprisal terrorism.  We have a constant challenge to stay resilient, maintain our warrior spirit and stay solution-oriented in a world that is full of headlines based on fear, doubt and disaster.  Take a deep breath… I’ve got great news for you.  No, I didn’t just save a bunch of money on my car insurance.  I’ve found the secrets of the most resilient people in the world… 

I read an article in National Geographic about a group of people in Bangladesh who live on the flood plains created by three major rivers.  These people inhabit countless small islands that appear for a time, disappear and then reappear somewhere else based on rainfall, floods, the tides, etc.  Despite this precarious and ever-changing lifestyle, the families raise crops and kids and build a successful life on these islands called “chars”.  National Geographic stated that to live a life like this is like “winning an Olympic medal in adaptation.” 

One of the men interviewed had moved once a year for his whole life – and he’s sixty!  But he’s also raised seven kids who “never missed a meal”.  The houses are able to be disassembled and reassembled quickly, the families bags are always neatly packed next to their beds for a quick move.  The man said, “No matter how much we worry, the end is all the same.”  He says the real secret is “not to think too much”.  Despite living in a tough and dynamic environment, these people thrive.  What can we learn from them?  Read the rest of Secrets of the World’s Most Resilient People »

Our Sacred Mothers

His long, dark hair shimmered in the sunlight of the Great Plains summer.  His mahogany skin bore visible scars – a knife wound from an enemy tribesman, a bullet wound from the U.S. Cavalry.  He sat on the edge of a gurgling creek, holding his pipe and prayed for strength to do what was required of him.  He worried about the encroachment of foreign settlers on his tribes’ lands but drew strength from the eyes of a grateful people.  His feet were worn from many miles of scouting, running and fighting.  He had shed blood in battle to protect his people and his life was dedicated to their defense, protection and to setting a good example for them.  He would do what was necessary to ensure their survival.  This man is a warrior… 

Her long, dark hair shimmered in the fluorescent light of the grocery store.  She carried her scars inside, suffering the judgment from disapproving eyes that cast icy stares at the teenage mother.  She held her baby close and prayed for strength to do what was required of her.  She worried where the next meal would come from but drew strength from the eyes of her little boy.  Her feet were blistered and tired from standing in lines and walking to accomplish the errands.  She had sold her blood to buy Christmas presents and that extra gallon of milk.  Her life was dedicated to the defense and protection of her little one and to setting a good example for him.  She would do what was necessary to ensure his survival.  This woman is a warrior – she is also my mother…   

Times have changed, but the warrior concept has not.  A warrior dedicates his or her life to developing their own talent and ability so they may be an asset or benefit to the village they serve.  A warrior dedicates their life to a higher cause than their own personal welfare.  To find modern day warriors, one need only look around – at our mothers.  Read the rest of Our Sacred Mothers »

Warrior Spirit in Action

You can’t script moments like this…

We were in class at Peak Krav Maga, following direction from our instructor Doug.  He showed us a self defense technique to do if someone attacks us from behind and reinforced that this was not a move based on raw strength, but on speed and technique.  To prove it, he called the youngest member of class onto the mat, a ten-year-old girl, to demonstrate.  She reluctantly stepped away from her mom and meekly came to stand next to Doug.  There’s the scene: a small, shy girl standing next to a big tough black belt, surrounded by over twenty other sweaty people twice her size.  Doug placed his hands on her neck and said “Go”.  The little girl made a quick move, pulled his hands from her neck, stepped to the side and hit Doug with a vicious blow, producing a sharp whack on his plastic cup, sending an echo through the studio.

The whole class burst into spontaneous laughter and wild applause for the girl!  Doug was bent over at the waist and walking funny for the rest of the class – but he was smiling because the girl had executed the moved beautifully.    

In my book The Tiny Warrior I wrote “A warrior’s power does not lie in his strength, his size or feats in battle.  A warrior’s power lies in his heart…” and this girl demonstrated that even better than the technique.  Though shy and small, this girl stepped up to the challenge and showed her warrior spirit.  She showed courage in the face of fear. 

When Doug grabbed her from behind, her whole demeanor changed.  She instantly transformed from the posture of a bashful girl into a warrior – eyes open, shoulders back and ready for action.  I have no doubt she was still nervous and perhaps afraid, but it was the way she responded to that fear that made her courageous in that moment. 

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