Pow-wow season is around the corner and the nation’s venues will be filled with colorful regalia, the tinkling of jingle dresses and the crashing rhythm of the drum. We’ll see dancers that move us because they transform in front of our eyes. All at once they are connected in perfect harmony to their culture, the beat of the drum, and all that is around them. They are in rhythm.

Our relationships, careers, leadership models, teamwork, health practices and every other aspect of our lives have a rhythm as well. When we’re in rhythm with these areas, the pieces seem to fall into place, things feel easier and we get better results. We’ve all felt what it’s like to be “in flow” or “in the zone” when we finally establish that sometimes-elusive rhythm. When we’re not in rhythm, life can feel like we’re attempting to break dance… to Mozart.

Here are some ways to harness the power of rhythm in our lives and careers:

1) Achieve the rhythm. This is where the most effort is required. Just like pushing a stalled car, the first few steps are the toughest, and it’s the same feeling in starting a new job, relationship, project or a new habit. Achieving the rhythm demands our patience as we allow ourselves to warm up, learn and practice these new ways. My wife is a Zumba instructor and I’m fascinated when I watch her rehearse; within a few minutes, she goes from being serious and moving cautiously to covered in sweat, smiling widely and effortlessly gliding and moving in synch with the music. She morphs into a one woman party! Our lives feel that same way once we achieve that rhythm but we must allow ourselves the time to establish it.

2) Maintain the rhythm. This is where the most discipline is required. Once we establish the rhythm, it’s easy to slack off and expect the results to continue. They don’t. Momentum is only created through consistent action. The good news is that it doesn’t take as much raw effort to maintain rhythm as it does to start it. For instance, as new leaders, we spend the first month learning and using the processes, getting to know the team, our new responsibilities, etc. Once that’s established, we must consistently take action to keep the team moving towards its goals or else we languish on the sidelines. Follow the wise mantra of the lovable and quirky fish, Dory, from the movie Finding Nemo… just keep swimming, just keep swimming…

3) Respect the rhythm. Everything has its place and time. Respect the rhythms of your life and work with them. If you know you feel better working out after work vs. after lunch, then build your schedule to incorporate that. If you know your team meetings work best at a certain time on certain days, plan it for that slot. I know I write best in the morning – I have more clarity, the words bubble up and the process seems easier.  I’ve also tried to write late in the day or early evening and found it takes an hour just to string the first sentence together.  The key is in knowing the rhythms that work best for you and respecting them. You’ll be more efficient, much more effective and you’ll enjoy the process more.

I will never forget Mr. Stephens.  He was my elementary school music teacher and was as exotic as they come.  He had salt-and-pepper hair, a walrus mustache and wore fashion frame glasses, Hawaiian shirts and even sported a tail (way before they became a hair trend). In his class, we didn’t just learn the standards.  We learned a variety from latin-inspired “Guantanamera”, to gospel “Down by the Riverside” to the pop songs we liked as kids.  We sang Michael Jackson’s “Rock With You” and “Babe” by Styxin fold up metal chairs in the trailer that served as a classroom.  It sounds cheesy looking back, but I’ll never forget how good that felt and how fun it was.  He let us be us.  In fact, he did more– he encouraged us to be us!

All this seemed even more out of place since I went to school in conservative, small town southern Mississippi. Many of the other teachers didn’t like Mr. Stephens, not just for his eccentric fashion but for his methods. But he allowed us to sing our own songs, dance to our own beats and I’ll always remember how powerful, enlightening and uplifting that experience was.

We all have our own beat, a rhythm and gifts to share with the world.  The ones that do this are greatly criticized – and in the end, often greatly rewarded for it. Think Oprah, the Wright Brothers or Walt Disney. Unfortunately, we sometimes shy away from this truth and allow ourselves to follow someone else’s beat.  But following our own is like tapping a gold vein – it’s where we’re at our best, where we are truly ourselves and it feels good beyond measure!

Our kids are great examples and teachers of this powerful phenomenon. Years ago, my daughter Gabi and I were running errands together.  She loaded into the car and strapped into the seatbelt.  I looked at her in the rearview mirror and she was wearing a colorful scarf, mismatched clothes, pink cowboy boots and topped off with a plastic diamond tiara.  I asked her, “Are you really going to wear that?” She looked back at me indignantly with wide eyes and a smile, “Of course, Daddy!” I chuckled, realizing again why our children are sacred and such good reminders of the wisdom we’ve lost or never had. They teach us to be us – without fear of judgment or criticism.

In our Native American dance traditions, the fancy dance style was born by breaking away from customary forms and creating something new and exciting.  This style emerged early in the 20^th century by young Ponca Indians inOklahoma who wanted to dance to their own beat.  The dance was so different the elders called it the “crazy dance”. However, now the fancy dance is one of the most popular dances at pow-wows across the continent.

What will you do this year to dance to your own beat?  Will you take that vacation, go for that promotion, rekindle the love of a hobby, wear the glamorous red dress, ask her out, start surfing or write that book? You’ll see that living this way may get you criticized at times (but who isn’t?) but will reward beyond measure – not just financially or professionally, but spiritually and emotionally.

We’ve often heard “beware the Ides of March” but do you know where the saying came from?  “Beware the Ides of March” was a warning given by a mysterious seer to Julius Caesar in 44 B.C. before he was assassinated.  Due to his overbearing and arrogant leadership, the Senate fired him from his position by stabbing him 23 times.  Now as a leader, you won’t have to worry about your team conducting such a striking revolt (thankfully).  However, poor leadership in tough times can still create havoc, waste money, create doubt, kill projects and generally make a mess of things.

To prevent having your own “Ides of March” moment, there are three things that leaders should never do:

Never expect from others what you aren’t willing to show first.  Do not expect your people to be enthusiastic if you’re not.  Don’t expect them to be high performing, solution-oriented warriors who are ready for any battles ahead if you’re not already there.  This is not about perfection; this is about the most effective form of leadership under the sun – leadership by example.  Instead of preaching to our people and beating them over the head with words (no matter how good they may be) we must instead set an example worthy of followership!  If we don’t do this, we set ourselves up for failure and our people up for frustration.  Set a great example and see how inspired and action-oriented your people can be.

Never fail to give expectations to your people.  If we don’t let our people know what we expect from them, we are asking them to do the impossible and read our minds.  If you care about your team, let them know what you expect from them when it comes to standards of performance, responsibilities, timelines and policies – and then let them go to it!  Don’t micromanage and tell them how to do every little thing.  Give them your expectations and let them be empowered to creatively achieve them.  You’ll build a team of warriors that are resilient, confident and feel great because they are pleasing their leader and meeting his/her expectations.

Never be unethical – acting unethically can be the quickest way to completely ruin what I call “the magical mystical glue” that keeps teams together.  I’m referring to trust.  If you make a mistake, fix it, apologize if appropriate, learn the wisdom and move on – that is the best any of us can do.  To lead any other way, we run the risk of considering unethical behavior to be an option.  No matter how easy it may seem, how small the lie, don’t sacrifice your integrity!  Trust takes time to build and it can evaporate in an instant.  When people trust you, they’ll follow you through the fires of tough times, bad economy, and the storms of doubt and fear.  If they don’t trust you, they won’t follow you to the bathroom.

Heed these warnings as a leader and you won’t have to worry about your own team having an Ides of March moment. Instead, you can focus on being the seer in your office that predicts the winning teams during March Madness.

Our boxing conditioning class was working hard. Bodies were trembling with exertion and covered in sweat, hearts pumped and breath came in gasps throughout the room. We were on our backs, legs up and heads up, wondering how many more seconds we could endure this position. We had thirty seconds to go. Just then, my trainer, Russ, said something profound:  Don’t listen to your mind right now, it’s lying to you. It’s saying you can’t, but you can!

And we did.

It’s humbling and frustrating to know that at many times in our lives and careers we find that we are intimate roommates with an entity that is not always our friend – it can be fickle, moody, scared, doubting, lazy and sometimes outright lies to us. This nasty roommate is our own mind. That’s the bad news. But I have good news; we can do something about it. And even better news; we can rely on something stronger.

First, we have to identify this dynamic at work. If the thing you’re doing at the moment would ultimately benefit you or others – like a tough work or school assignment, a workout, changing a negative habit, etc. – and your mind tells you what you want to hear (i.e. just quit, it’s too hard) vs. what you need to hear (i.e. you can do it, you’re almost there), then our mind is lying to us.

Good News: Just like channeling the flow of water, our minds can be shaped and our thoughts channeled, into a powerful force that serves and supports us. Science is proving our minds work more like a muscle and get stronger and more efficient through training and exercise. We can do this through regular discipline of our thoughts, providing nutrition for our minds with material that educates and inspires, and by reprogramming our minds consistently to believe in our direction, goals and purpose. Practice doing small things each day that are tough, things that challenge you, and when you hear your mind lie, put it on pause, do the thing anyway and prove your mind wrong.  In time, your mind will get the lesson, lying less and supporting you more.

Better News:  Our spirit is a deep, mysterious reserve of strength in us all. When we quiet the mind, we engage our spirit.  And relying on our spirit, not our wavering mind, is what gets us through the tough times and can boost us to the stars. Spirit is the quintessential ingredient in what makes a warrior strong and many of our Native traditions facilitate the development of it. Think about the big, bold moves you’ve made in life and career. I’m sure you didn’t make those moves after deciding “I thought about it and realized this is a good thing.” You more likely said, “I felt” or “I needed” such and such because you were moved at a deeper level than thought. Michael Crichton left medical school (after he graduated) to become a writer. That goes way beyond mere thought or logical conclusions. Logic would have stopped me from most of the bold moves I’ve made in my life (starting my business, writing a book, etc.) and the same applies to all of you reading this. I wouldn’t have made it through military basic training, Sun Dance or Vision Quest ceremonies – or the loss of my son – relying on my mind alone.

With those words in class, I was reminded of countless conversations and personal experiences that highlighted this simple truth – when our mind is cowering in the corner and is on the verge of giving up, our spirit is what steps up and pulls us through the fire.

Attention all leaders, I have a question. Why do your people follow you?

The typical answers can be “because they have to” or “I’m the boss”.  But why do they really follow you – and why would they follow you willingly? Before willingly following a leader, followers will often ask the eternal question: What’s in it for me? When we are in a leadership position, we must understand that our followers need to gain some benefit in following us – or else in time, they won’t. We should choose, by design, the benefit our people can expect because sometimes, there are other reasons why followers follow – and they can be treacherous.

One reason people follow leaders is to curry favor or position. When power or position is implicitly or explicitly promised, it taints the leadership model and can create massive problems including ethical violations, nepotism that destroys an organization, lawsuits and scandal. When people feel they were promised power or position and it’s not delivered, the claws come out and chaos erupts. If power or position is promised and it is delivered, leaders (and the organization) can be ruined. It’s not just politicians and corporate bigwigs who have been burned by this, but also department managers, tribal leaders and committee heads. Don’t imply or promise favors, promotions, etc. to your people or you’ll set yourself and your team up for heartbreak.

Sometimes, people will follow a leader to gain friendship. This can be a difficult situation at work as it attempts to melt the personal-professional boundary that enables leadership to be effective. It doesn’t mean you can’t be a friendly leader, but one of the hardest things to do in leadership is to get a “friend” to do something they don’t want to do. It also sets a team up for grumbling and dissension in the ranks. When others see the boss hanging out with their buddy, how do you think that will affect their performance, attitude and belief that they too are a valued team member? It can also spur negative competition where others fight to be your buddy too. Be aware and steer clear of this dynamic.

Instead of allowing these negatives situations above to emerge, consciously choose the benefits you’ll provide your followers and do it with intent.

One of the best benefits we can provide our followers is a commitment to provide encouragement, support, coaching and sharing our knowledge, lessons, best practices, etc. with them.  Offer your time and experience to aid in their development through regularly scheduled meetings, share books and articles that educate, inspire or improve their skill sets. Advise them of trainings that would benefit them. Be willing to link them up with people that have specific and beneficial knowledge or experience.  And willingly give praise when they earn it through performance. This taps into the most powerful need in us all – the need to feel valued.  Make the decision to provide these as benefits to your people vs. favoritism or friendship.

This will boost their careers, establish a powerful mentorship and increase our influence and impact as a leader. After all, the best leaders aren’t the ones with the most followers – they’re the ones that create the most leaders!

“When you arise in the morning, give thanks to the morning light for your life and strength.  Give thanks for your food and the joy of living.  If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies in yourself.” – Tecumseh (Shawnee)

This quote, by one of my greatest heroes, sums up what Thanksgiving is truly about – gratitude for our blessings. The holiday goes beyond the winter of 1620-21Plymouth,Massachusetts.  That moment carries its own baggage and has been surrounded by either an overly romantic view of what happened (everyone held hands and enjoyed the feast as equals) or an overly negative view (how Native people were treated from that moment forward) and has been the source of arguments for years. 

I believe Thanksgiving can go way beyond that moment and be a more meaningful holiday for all of us.  Beyond the historic context, beyond the idea that fall was a traditional harvest celebration time for Native people, beyond turkey and beyond football is this: simple gratitude, a sense of awe, that we are blessed beyond words no matter where we are or what we’ve been through on the journey. 

For instance, if you can read these words and process the ideas, you are blessed beyond words because 1) you’re alive 2) you’re eyes and brain are working.  Start with the immediate reasons to be thankful and move outward like ripples on a pond to really absorb the magnitude of all we have to be grateful for – our senses of sight, smell, touch, taste, the blood flowing through our veins, the breath in our lungs.  Put your hand in front of your face and move your fingers around, twisting your wrist to take in the full view.  That is a work of art, a miracle in motion!  

Next, move to your relationships and feel gratitude for your family, friends and those who have shared their love, wisdom and strength to develop you.  Sometimes, it was that grandma, coach, teacher or supervisor that kicked our rear end onto higher ground – be grateful for them too.  We can be grateful we have freedom, food, that we are not deployed (and be grateful for the sacrifice of those that are) or we have electricity and running water.  Move on from there to the next thing and the next, opening your embrace to encompass it all.  It’s quite inspiring and humbling at the same time.

When we go to our traditional ceremonies, whether it is a sweatlodge, Sun Dance, Midewewin, etc. the focal point for all of these is gratitude for what we have.  Why?  Because our elders and ancestors were wise enough to understand this concept in action.  If we are not grateful for what we have in this moment, be it ever so humble or great, we will never be satisfied on the road ahead no matter how much we achieve or how many blessings come our way.  In fact, I was amazed that during my four years of Sun Dance (four days each ceremony) when we dance and prayed thanks for all our blessings from sunrise to sunset, I never ran out of things to be grateful for! Gratitude breathes color and life into all we have around us.

When we put this concept into practice in our lives, every day can feel like Thanksgiving (turkey optional).  We are all busy people, but to spend just a few moments each day reflecting on the bounty we have been given, the gifts that surround us, will enable us to feel more fulfilled and joyous on the journey we walk. 

I’m particularly grateful for my life, my wife and children, my family, friends and all of my supporters, clients and colleagues who have made my journey a beautiful adventure.  Remember, the holiday is telling the Creator and everyone around you, “thanks…for giving” and I thank all of you! 

I dedicate this article to Rick Refoir, a dear friend who passed away one year ago today after a heroic battle with cancer.  He not only taught me about living fully and enjoying the journey, but also how to die with grace, altruism and dignity.

High in the Andes Mountains, at around 18,000 feet, are rock seams dribbling rivulets of snow melt.  These mere trickles make their way down the mountain and are joined by other trickles.  This combination of efforts creates momentum and the beginnings of the most powerful river in the world, the Amazon.  This mighty behemoth, which starts as a mere trickle, grows to become a rushing 4,000 mile watercourse that pumps 57 million gallons of water per second! 

How does the Amazon go from a mere trickle to a mighty flow and how can we create that type of dynamic as we lead our teams? 

1) Create a common direction. In order for individuals to combine efforts, as the trickles combine and create the Amazon, they must be heading in the same direction.  Good leaders provide this direction to their teams through clear, consistent communication as to the expectations, goals, standards and the overall game plan.  Good leaders then maintain that common direction through healthy doses of support, feedback and encouragement.  When an individual stream goes rogue, it must be guided back into the established flow or it heads out on its own and eventually peters out.  In a team, the same efforts must be made as the team is much stronger working together toward a common goal than a team divided in their directions and actions.  

2) Create momentum.  Momentum is only achieved through decisive, consistent action.  The path may not always be smooth for the Amazon, but the flow does not stop.  In a team, action creates excitement, excitement leads to drive and drive leads us to results. We create none of these when we sit in the shadows waiting for the perfect moment or every single resource we might need.  Instead, create those conditions through momentum.  This is why the old adage is true – if you want something done, give it to a busy person.  Why? Because these people have already established momentum and are enjoying what that brings – results.  Momentum is established by working with focus, being decisive, accessing new resources, trying creative solutions and applying them quickly.  On the other hand, hesitation creates doubt, boredom and saps initiative.  Momentum takes time to build (e.g. think of a stalled car where the first steps are back-breaking) but once it’s created, your team can become not only resilient, but unstoppable. 

3) Force multiply.  As the Amazon makes its way to the Atlantic Ocean, thousands of tributaries feed into it, taking advantage of the concept of force-multiplying where one and one make three, not two, because the sum of the parts is greater than the whole. This is the secret power of a focused team.  The warrior philosopher Tamerlane said, “It is better to be on hand with ten men, than absent with ten thousand.”  I constantly see handfuls of committed people accomplish what twenty or more couldn’t – and I bet you do too.  Plus, achievement inspires others around a team to get involved, add resources and spread the word after seeing what they can do.  This is also a force-multiplier.  After all, people love to be part of successful endeavors which is the reason for the wild successes of Zappos, Starbucks, Facebook and so many sports franchises. Remember that you don’t need a mass of people to do great things, just a few committed folks to get things started.

In our Native communities, our elders said the outdoors are our greatest classroom and nature would teach us all we need to be successful.  The twisting and muddy waterway of the Amazon flows powerfully, if not always gracefully, towards its goal of reaching theAtlantic. Follow the lessons the Amazon teaches us and unleash the power and potential of your team.    

Online registration is now available for The Warrior’s Edge event in November!  Go to our online store to get more information and register yourself (and bring a friend for free) today…

The magical, mystical glue that holds teams together is trust.  With it, we see people follow their leaders through the fires of change, challenge, doubt and fear.  Without it, people won’t follow their leader to the bathroom.  But how do we build that trust and strengthen our relationships, our connections and ultimately influence how well we lead others?  

Through communication. 

We are all like human radio stations, transmitting information to those around us at all times.  We communicate through e-mail, texting and speaking, but also through our body language and most importantly, through the example we set with our actions.  In the end, our goal as leaders is to communicate in a way that strengthens the bond of trust and enables us to have more influence and impact with those we lead. Whether they are teammates, co-workers, fellow community member or our own families, good communication is a must. 

In the extreme, miscommunication can cause injuries or even death in arenas such as the military, operating heavy machinery or medicine. However, if we don’t continually work to prevent miscommunications in our own lives, we can create disruptions that can break down trust, waste energy, time and money and cause confusion or chaos.  To prevent this, three elements of great communication require us to be:

Clear – Before we communicate, we must ask ourselves Am I trying to communicate clearly or am I trying to impress others?  Sometimes when egos get the best of us instead of trying to communicate clearly, we try to impress those around us with flowery speech and a stunning vocabulary.  Speak and write in the simplest terms you can get away with, not to “dumb down” the message, but to make sure it’s being transmitted in a way that all will receive.  The goal here is clear communication – not showing off.  

Concise – Why write something in three pages that could be communicated in three paragraphs?  Why say something in ten minutes that should take two?  Bigger is not better, especially in communication.  We live in an era where information overload is the new normal.  The longer and more complex we make our messages, the less impact they have on the intended audience.  Instead, be concise in your communication with your people; trim the fat and the fluff until what you have left is a message worth their time – and attention.  

Consistent – The first time water flows over a prairie, it spreads everywhere.  The second time, it starts to follow a pattern of flow.  By the thousandth time, it’s cut a deep channel.  Communication works the same way.  If we say positive, encouraging and clarifying statements to our people over and over again and they accuse us of being like a “broken record” we can just smile.  We’ll know that our communication is working.  And when your people are confused or stressed, what messages will cut through the clutter?  You got it, the broken record messages that you’ve provided will keep them resilient and on track.  Provide a safety net of good ideas and consistently affirming communication to your people and you’ll see how easy it is to keep the team headed in the right direction.  

Follow the 3 C’s of great communication and you’ll become a more effective leader, see how much better your teams respond and perform and how much easier life and work are when everyone is on the same sheet of music!

The dog days of summer are dwindling away and football season is officially on.  Kids are headed back to school, if they’re not back already, and they’ll undoubtedly be asked what they did over the summer.  Though I won’t get their advantage of using crayons to illustrate the assignment, I’d like to share some of what I did, but also what I learned. 

First I learned this: If we ever are going to get a break, downtime or rest, we need to make it happen by design.  Like a plains warrior staking his flag in the ground to stand and fight to protect his village, we must aggressively carve rest out of our schedule or else it doesn’t happen. We naively go into the “quieter periods” like summer, falsely thinking the time to relax, to visit, etc. will just magically appear.  It doesn’t.  There is still much activity that gets in the way – bills to pay, yard work, errands, etc. – if we allow it to.  We didn’t have a proper family summer vacation this year, but we did grab chunks of time, took some small trips together and had friends and family visit us.  We sprinkled those bits of flavor throughout the summer and had one of the best we’ve ever had because of it.  One of the days, we just did nothing all day – no phone calls, projects or to-do list items.  We just plopped on the couch with the girls, watched movies and intermittently napped.  It was pure bliss.  I haven’t done that in a long time but look forward to doing it more often. 

Second lesson:  Just because change is hard or stressful, it doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing.  At the beginning of the summer we moved to a newer house with more space.  We’d been saving, planning and preparing for quite some time for the change.  Being a guy, I thought it was all about the numbers – if they fit, it was a good move to make.  I had no idea the emotional roller coaster it would take us on!  Don’t get me wrong, I’m well versed in moving since I was a military brat and then active duty for ten years.  I felt ready for the operation.  But I’d never moved with a family and never felt like the stakes were so high.  Plus, the house was full of memories of our marriage, the kids growing from babies, the start of the business and so much more. It was a frustrating, stressful, humbling and at times overwhelming process but as we’ve settled into our new house, it’s becoming home.  My wife and girls (and me) have been thrilled with our new digs and the pain of the change seems miles away now.  Yes, it was a struggle at times, but I realize it was worth every bit of effort we put into it. 

 Third lesson:  Getting older is what you make of it.  A few weeks ago, I turned forty.  Nothing fell out or off…well at least, not yet.  It’s a milestone and another journey around the sun, but to me it wasn’t earth shattering.  I did have moments of deep reflection on my birth, my life up to this point, my blessings and what the future may hold – and perhaps I’ll do a piece on those in the future – but it wasn’t something I dreaded in the least.  Getting older is a funny thing.  We shift (albeit unwillingly) to the realization that our bodies may not be as youthful as they once were, but we’re not weak because of it.  We forget that the knowledge and wisdom we can gain each year becomes our best asset, our greatest strength.  I’ve been fortunate enough to spend time with some very cool elders in our Native communities throughout the years.  They are sharp, involved, constantly learning and have the attitude about age that I admire – use it or lose it.  Embracing that philosophy, on the morning of my fortieth birthday, I dropped down and did 100 push ups to the applause of my girls.  I looked in the mirror at some new silver hairs and thought proudly… I earned every one of those suckers! 

What did you learn on your summer vacation?

A few years ago, around this time of year, I was honored to be the keynote speaker at the Yakama Tribal High School graduation.  The exciting night was made even better when they allowed each grad to say a few words after getting their diploma.  There were stories of challenges and setbacks, there were thanks given to friends and family for their encouragement.  But there was a moment that burned into my mind.  It was the moment when a young man had the crowd roaring with laughter from his hilarious stories.  Suddenly, he got deathly silent behind the microphone and tried in vain to choke back tears as he said, “I wish my father would have made time to come see this tonight.  I wish he was here.” 

The “Father Factor” is what’s missing from the lives of so many youth.  It’s such a critical ingredient to their success that national initiatives are underway to get fathers involved in the lives of their kids.  I’ve heard it said that “anyone can be a father (biologically) but it takes a special man to be a Dad”.  This Father’s Day, I want to offer my encouragement and support to all the “Dads”, the real men and warriors out there who are having such a positive impact on their kids.  Coming from my years of watching what does and doesn’t work, my own fatherhood experiences and from observing the best dad I’ve ever seen in action – my own – I humbly offer the following ideas to Dads everywhere.  None of these require a Ph.D. or studies in child development – only love and time:   

1)      Love 100% unconditionally – and show it too!  Sometimes men have a tough time showing emotions because we’re taught it’s weak.  However, showing our vulnerability, especially to those we love, is the highest form of strength.  What’s “weak” is not showing and telling your kids that you truly love them because they become weak as well.  When we show and tell our kids that we love them unconditionally, no matter what, they become strong – they become brave enough to take the risks that life requires.  Throughout my life, no matter how upset my dad got or how much of a knucklehead I was, I never doubted that my dad loved me.  Now, every night as I tuck my daughters in, I say these words, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll love you always.  No matter what, I’ll love you.”  I never want them to question or doubt that they are loved.  

2)      Your kids need your “presence” more than your “presents”.  The immediate impact from a hug or word of encouragement adds much more to our emotional well-being than the latest toy or computer game.  In fact, just being there and being present with your child is priceless because there’s no substitute for you!  You don’t have to be an expert in child psychology to know this pattern.  I see it all the time and I’m willing to bet you do too.  Well-adjusted and successful youth have, almost every time, parents who are involved in their lives.  Make the time to go to their games, the parent-teacher meetings and, like in the story in the beginning, important moments like graduation.  Actions speak louder than words and this is where the “father factor” can really boost your children to the highest heights and after all, remember – we get one chance to raise our kids. 

3)      Love enough to be tough – but not too tough. Giving your kids boundaries and rules makes them feel safe by providing structure and order.  Though it may drive them crazy now, they’ll thank you for it later.  I think one of the toughest parts about being a parent is learning how to say “no” even when you know your child will be angry. When it comes to rules, Dads can be tempted into playing the “tough guy” role and overdo it.  There are no situations where abusive behavior or comments are justified.  Science has shown that emotional pain caused by verbal attacks light up the same areas of the brain as physical pain.   Getting your kids to cooperate at the expense of their self-esteem is a loss any way you cut it. Not a day goes by that I’m not thankful to my Dad for being consistently tough but consistently loving during my “knucklehead” days.

When my parents had me, they were poor teenagers who didn’t have two nickels to rub together, no college degree, no experience – but they made us kids #1 in their lives.  I now do the same with my daughter.  My parents joke about those tough times and say, “We were dumb and poor back then.”  But I remind them, “No, you were smart and rich in the best ways.  Smart enough to know your kids needed love each and every day and rich enough to provide it.”  I have many roles in life – husband, friend, business owner, author, speaker, etc. but my #1 job in this world is to raise two little girls to be women of substance and character.  Women who are proud of who they are, where they came from and who believe anything is possible.  My wife and I are trying to raise them that way in a world that may tell them otherwise.

So, to all the Dads who are dedicated to doing the same, Happy Father’s Day! 

Announcement:  We are planning to do our first ever public one-day seminar, Warrior’s Edge this Fall to inspire the use of warrior spirit principles in business and life, promote professional development and empower attendees to get better results in all they do.  We are considering Phoenix, Oklahoma City, Minneapolis, Seattle or Albuquerque as target cities for our inaugural event.  If you are interested in attending, please contact us.